Having participated in group hiring interviews, I can only imagine that they must be similar to group sex. While the anonymity of being part of a like-minded group is appealing, you still worry over performance issues. The like-minded goal in the group hiring interview is to get a job rather than get laid, and in either group, only the top performers will move to the next level.
Or perhaps it may be compared to reading for a part in a theater production. The pressure of reading for a role is much less than the group hiring interview. As we say in the theatre, ‘There are no small parts, just small actors.’ But in the group hiring interview, there are absolutely no small parts, only the lead – a one-man or one-woman show.
In my search for the elusive paycheck, I have been invited to three Cattle Calls. The potential employers have all had one thing in common – searching the world for students to train and tuition dollars to drain. We once called them Vocational Schools or State Technical Institutes. Government grants and increased competition have driven these schools to a new euphemism: Post Secondary Career Education Institutions. They will train you in photography, culinary arts and graphic design, or prepare you for a career as a medical assistant, instrument processing tech, paralegal, dental assistant or rent-a-cop.
My admiration goes to the institutions that make no bones about open competition. They carry a more sophisticated and organized approach to the Cattle Call. Through the many on-line elimination rounds (think Spelling Bee for the job seekers) the canny institutions let you know if you have or have not made the next round. The final e-mail from the most sophisticated of the three informed me that I was one of 37 semi-finalists to make the group interview, and I could choose one of two sessions in hopes of making it to the final three. All I needed to bring was my resume, a positive attitude and a presentation of no longer than three minutes to address to my competition. One of 37 semifinalists is a more impressive statistic when you understand that these were culled from more than 300 applicants.
The second institution to invite my participation was much less sophisticated and, frankly, surprisingly inept. The word ‘transparency’ was apparently not in the lexicon of any of their curricula. I was invited in for a 6:00 p.m. interview with Ms. Cox, Admissions Director. I arrived early and asked for Ms. Cox at the front desk. I was handed a clipboard (I have come to loathe them) and told to fill out the application. It came as a shock when two more people followed me in close order, asking for Ms. Cox, stating their 6:00 appointment times, and seating themselves with clipboard and pen.
The waiting room or outer lobby is wonderful in its tension at the Cattle Call, as each applicant tries to look solemn and competent in his or her own space, while longing to size up the competition. As the unchallenged geezer of the group, I make no hesitation in striking up playful banter with my solemn counterparts – a gift from my mother. When asked in a physician’s waiting room ‘What time is it over there?’ my mother lightheartedly and with great bonhommie replied ‘Same time it is over there.’
An attractive young woman in a well-fitting seersucker suit (as my father would have said, she had a ‘cute figure’) stepped into the lobby and asked us if we were there to meet with Ms. Cox. We admitted we were, and she gave us a million dollar smile and said Ms. Cox would be ready for us shortly. Another young woman, also sartorially complementing a cute figure, escorted us back to a classroom a few minutes later. The woman in seersucker was indeed Ms. Cox. Maybe she had been sizing us up. There were about 12 of us in this Cattle Call.
Her attractive young associate, Ms. Cox informs us, is the Admissions Director from the Atlanta campus. The group interview is apparently an exercise requiring more than one hand. Ms. Cox has us introduce ourselves, including a brief work bio. I win the Longevity Award in the group, having been employed longer than the average age of each of my competitors. Ms. Cox explains that we will discuss the position for a few minutes, take the Wonderlic test and then each be interviewed individually following the testing.
We go through some embarrassingly infantile ‘If you were a tree, what kind of a tree would you be’ questions. We are then asked to spend no more than two minutes to tell the class why we are the best candidate for the job. When the needle spins to a young man whose background includes backup vocals and sound work for a heavy metal band, he asks if there is a restroom he can use. The Atlanta associate directs him to the closest facility. He never returns.
Two late arrivals have been seated just prior to our ‘Why I Am Best’ exercise. One of the Tardy Two is shocked to learn that the job is considered a sales position. I wonder how closely she had read the ad, since its title proclaimed ‘Admissions Recruiter/Sales Representative.’
With still no mention of salary, commission or other compensation, Ms. Cox and Ms. Atlanta proceed to pass the test to each of us. ‘The Wonderlic Personnel Test is a twelve-minute, fifty-question test used to assess the aptitude of prospective employees for learning and problem-solving in a range of occupations. The test was developed by industrial psychologist Eldon F. Wonderlic. The score is calculated as the number of correct answers given in the allotted time. A score of 20 is intended to indicate average intelligence [courtesy of Wikipedia].’
The Wonderlic is routinely given to prospective NFL players at the annual combines, in part to see how quickly they can adapt to learning new offensive and defensive schemes. Offensive tackles average the highest scores at 26, followed by guards at 25 and quarterbacks at 24. Halfbacks trail the field at an average of 16. Two talented quarterbacks are notable exceptions, former Miami Dolphin Dan Marino and the Tennessee Titans’ Vince Young each scored 16 on the Wonderlic.
The questions are easy at the beginning and increase in difficulty as you progress. Almost no one answers all 50 in the 12 minutes, and fewer still get them all right. The 12 minutes fly past, and we are all startled when Ms. Cox and Ms. Atlanta call time and take up the tests. Ms. Atlanta calls four of the early arrivals to individual interviews, and advises the rest of us to return to the lobby and continue filling out our applications.
As we reach the lobby, the majority of the applicants do not stop there but simply exit the building. The Tardy Two are leading the way at great speed. Only two young women and I are left in the lobby. As we are about to complete our applications, we see Ms. Atlanta come into the lobby and exit the building. A long day, we discover, having driven up from Atlanta, and she has been excused for the rest of the evening.
A blur of blue seersucker flashes past us, and we see Ms. Cox exit the building moments after Ms. Atlanta. We have all three completed our applications and, handing them to the receptionist, ask when Ms. Cox will be returning for our individual interviews. She does not know, so we find someone who does. Ms. Cox has left for the evening, we are told, but leave our applications and she will call us. I step into the parking lot just as Ms. Cox, still resplendent in seersucker, powers out of the parking lot in a sports car which I could not have afforded in my best commission years. She pays little heed to the students milling about the parking lot between classes.
Four weeks later, the same ad for the same position at this Post Secondary Career Education Institution ran on the internet job boards.
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